Two things I just learned about that make me want to fucking kill myself.

And no it's not global warming, or pollution, or our terminal race of military inflation; not poverty, nor famine, death, murder, or disease. I want to die because there is A) a newly discovered spider that FUCKING EATS CHICKENS! and B) a desert arachnid that can run at speeds up to 10 miles per hour.

Here is the lovely subject A:

I thought bird eating spiders were the worst, but this lovely beast was just discovered in a hole in the Amazon. They can grown to be bigger than a foot in length, are rumored to eat chickens.

More on the discovery.

Then there's subject B:

A pair of camel spiders. This photo shows two of them dangling from each other, but yeas they are that FUCKING big and they can run 10 miles an hour, which is just a little bit slower than I would be running if I ever saw one of them. They are not actually spiders, but a classification of arachnids, like scorpions, all their own. They do not purportedly carry any venom, but they can probably bite you arm off, so I still wouldn't recommend trying to start anything with one of them.

I have fought long and hard to overcome a childhood fear of arachnids, and feel that I am doing pretty well, but the existence of these two creatures on the same planet as me is really, just a bit much. I'm considering suicide as an option, but I think I will probably just relegate my travel to areas with no confirmed sightings of these monsters.

Link if you care to see either of these beasts in motion.